Why stress management isn’t ‘one size fits all’…
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried all the suggested methods to manage your stress. Mindfulness practices, exercising, boundary setting, mindset shifting… I could go on!
Although many stress management tools are beneficial and have been scientifically proven to work, what works for me, may not work for you.
Let me take meditation as an example. It’s been proven to reduce stress. You never see an unhappy or stressed monk, right?
Meditation is a practice that has been a regular part of my day for over 5 years. Before that, it was something that I practiced on and off for nearly 30 years. I am a little biased, but it is something that has helped me to feel less stressed in life. Once I got over the belief that I had to clear my mind of thoughts and that it was really for me to see what was swimming around in my unconscious, it started to help me deal with my stress in a more effective way.
I can say that meditation is a beneficial stress management tool for me. I’ve had periods of time when I haven’t meditated but it is a practice that I always gravitate back to. For me, meditation is a thumbs up!
But I’ve spoken to many people for whom meditation just made them more stressed out. They couldn’t sit still. They felt uncomfortable. They couldn’t clear their minds like they’d been told to do (not the point, but still…)
Meditation isn’t for everyone.
When you feel stressed, your nervous system (sympathetic or parasympathetic) will start to become activated. Just as we are all unique, so are our nervous system responses. You may be someone who defends themselves or gets ready to go on the attack. You may be someone who feels defeated and experiences collapse. When you’re stressed, your nervous system will respond in the way that you have learned to respond, consciously and unconsciously.
And just because you experience stress and your nervous system responds a certain way in one situation, doesn’t mean that the next time you experience stress, your nervous system will respond in the same way. It all depends on our environment, our own emotional state at the time, and the people or situations that have us feeling this way.
This is why not all stress management tools will work for us. For some of us, we may need something that has us moving the excess energy our body is producing. For some of us we need more gentle movement to bring us out of the collapsed state we’re in.
Let’s go back to the meditation example. You may think that meditating will help calm you down from the activated state you are in. But what happens is that when you are still, your mind starts to bring to consciousness, the very things you are trying to get away from. This then sends your nervous system into either a re-activated or more activated state. Hence, meditation not being a great stress management tool in that instance! It may be more beneficial for you to go for a run or to do some type of activity that helps to shift your activated energy.
If on the other hand, you are experiencing stress that is causing you to feel collapsed, hopeless or demotivated, a run or energetic activity will send your nervous system into the other extreme, which can lead to more stress for your body. You may need to go for a gentle stroll, or do an activity that doesn’t require a great deal of energy, such as loading the washing machine. You may feel you need to go out into nature and take time to breathe and soak it all in.
It is important to understand how our individual and unique nervous systems are responding when we are facing challenges and situations in our lives that are bringing up the symptoms of stress for us. It is important that we learn what our bodies need, in order to feel resourced so that we can manage our stress effectively.
Here are 3 ways to start building your own stress management strategy:
1. Recognise that you are in a stress response. Sometimes your behaviours are so ingrained and natural to you, that you don’t even realise that you are having a stress response. Try to notice how your body is feeling, and what sensations come up when you’re feeling stressed.
2. Notice how you manage your stress and start to think of, and implement different ways to deal with the stress. Instead of the responses and behaviours you normally engage in, what other ways could you deal with that stress? Instead of reaching for a glass of wine, could you go for a short walk? Instead of immediately responding to someone, could you take a pause before replying?
3. Don’t leave it until you’re stressed, to manage your stress. Are there habits, behaviours or lifestyle choices that contribute to how well you are able to manage stress? Could you make different choices to resource yourself in a better way? Going to sleep a little earlier, reducing caffeine and eating more unprocessed food are just a few examples.
If you would like support in learning how to manage your stress in a more holistic way, please reach out to me. I can help you to recognise your own stress responses, understand how your nervous system is currently keeping you safe, and how to manage your stress more effectively.
Much love,
Harmesch x